


What Love Means

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Episode: s03e12 Fools, First Kiss, Fluff, Introspection, Love Confessions, M/M, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: After conversations with both Carla and Christopher, Eddie decides it's time to have a much needed talk with Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 24
Kudos: 519





	What Love Means

**Author's Note:**

> I started this before episode 12 and meant to finish it sooner, but life. This is set almost directly after the episode.

"Thanks again for doing all this," Eddie says.

"Oh don't thank me, thank Buck." Carla nods her head to where Buck and Christopher are sitting on the couch. "This was all his idea. I'm telling you, he'd do anything for you and that boy."

"Yeah, he loves Chris."

"He does," Carla agrees. The look she gives him is pointed. "We both know Christopher isn't the only reason he does it."

Eddie frowns, "Why else would he do it?"

"Think about who it makes happy, Eddie, then you'll have your answer."

She pats his cheek and walks away, raising her voice as she goes. "Well I'm out here. I'll see you boys in the morning. Maybe even you, Buckaroo."

She winks at Buck, who gives her a confused smile in return. He looks at Eddie, who shrugs, before turning back to Carla. "Uh yeah. Good to see you, Carla."

"Night Carla," Christopher says.

"Night kiddo. Don't let these two stay up too late."

"I'll try," Christopher says. "But they always stay up talking and stuff."

"We're adults buddy," Eddie says, ruffling his son’s hair. "We're allowed to stay up late."

“I know,” Christopher says. “But you need sleep too.”

“I think there’s a few other things they need more than sleep,” Carla says.

Buck’s face contorts further, his confusion evident. “What do we need?”

“It’s my place to tell you that. Though hopefully for all our sakes you two figure it out.” She gives a small wave and a smile and walks out the door, closing it behind her.

“Do you know what she was talking about?” Buck asks, turning his attention to Eddie.

“No idea.” Eddie falls back onto the couch next to Christopher and smiles when his son immediately leans into him. He has a pretty good inkling what Carla was hinting at, in truth. But he’s not sure he’s ready to admit it. At least not here in front of his son.

It’ll be a talk he has to have with Buck when they’re alone. Even if the thought of it terrifies him.

What terrifies him more is the thought of losing Buck. Of someone swooping in and taking him away because he wasn’t man enough to admit that he loves him. He wouldn’t ever begrudge him that, of course. Buck deserves happiness, even if it’s not with him.

But oh does he want it to be with him. He’s just not sure how Buck feels. Sometimes he’ll look at Eddie, and there will be this look on his face. One that he never sees when he looks at anyone else. But other times he’s not so sure.

_ Think about who it makes happy, Eddie _

Carla’s words come back to him, loudly sounding through his head. Who does it make happy other than Christopher?

_ You, you idiot. _

Despite him thinking the words, it sounds all too much like Buck saying it, and he smiles to himself.

“You okay?”

He looks up into Buck’s eyes when the man in question nudges him. “Yeah I’m great.”

“I’m tired, Dad.” 

Eddie smiles down at his son. “Well then I guess we better get you to bed, huh?”

“Is Buck going to be here in the morning?”

“Well that’s up to Buck.” Eddie looks at his best friend and raises an eyebrow.

Buck smiles, “Yeah I’ll be here. I have to give you something edible for breakfast before you go to school.”

“Hey!”

Christopher laughs, “Good, because I’m tired of cereal and Pop-Tarts.”

Eddie puts a hand to his chest, “You both wound me. I am not that bad at cooking.”

Buck’s face scrunches up adorably, “Yeah you kind of are.” He pats his cheek. “But hey, you have your looks.”

“Are you objectifying me right now?”

“No, I’m just pointing out one of your _many_ good qualities,” Buck says, tone teasing.

“I am more than a pretty face, you know?”

“I know.” Buck’s face grows serious. “You’re a great dad, and one of the best guys I know. I’m lucky to have you in my life.”

“Me too,” Christopher says, and pats his cheek.

Eddie clears his throat and looks away, trying to compose himself. He hadn’t expected the conversation to turn so serious, and it’s thrown him a bit. “I’m pretty sure I’m the lucky one.”

“Just take the complement, Eddie,” Buck says.

Eddie sticks out his tongue. He knows it’s childish, but it’s worth it when both Buck and Christopher laugh. 

“Let’s get you to bed, buddy.”

“You only want me to sleep so you two can talk,” Christopher pouts. Not even five minutes ago he was saying he was tired, and now he’s resisting sleep.

Eddie ruffles his hair and picks him up, “Nope. I want you to sleep because it’s your bedtime. And having a sleep schedule is important.”

“Do you have one?”

“I try to,” Eddie says. “But what’s important is you getting a good bedtime schedule now so that you can stick with it as you get older.”

Christopher doesn’t look convinced, and Eddie can’t blame him. He’s not all that convinced himself. He had a strict sleep schedule in the army, and that has done little to help him now. Granted, he also has more trauma now to deal with then he did then.

“I’ll clean up while you get him to bed,” Buck offers.

Eddie shoots him a grateful smile, “Thanks man.”

It’s not exactly anything new for them. Buck always helps out when he’s over, and Eddie the same. It’s one of the many unspoken things between them.

“Dad?” Christopher says as Eddie pulls the covers up over him. 

“Yeah bud?”

“Do you love Buck?”

Eddie stills, his eyes darting up to look at his son. He’s watching him, face open and expectant. Eddie’s thrown. Imagined having this conversation before, but he’d always been the one to bring it up. If anything ever happened with Buck.

The _if_ is always hanging over his head.

But what is he supposed to tell his son? He can’t lie to him. “Yeah, buddy. I do.”

Christopher nods, “I do too.”

“And he loves you,” Eddie tells him. “So much.”

“He loves you too, Dad,” Christopher says.

“Yeah of course he does, he’s my best friend.”

Christopher rolls his eyes, and Eddie has to choke back a laugh. It’s adorable, but not exactly something he wants his kid to walk around doing. At least not yet. He has no doubt he’s going to get plenty of it when he’s a teenager.

“That’s not why,” Christopher says. “And you know it. He loves you because you’re the one he wants to kiss forever.”

“Where did you hear that?” Eddie asks him.

“A girl in my class,” Christopher says. “She said that’s what her mom told her love was.”

“I see,” Eddie says, failing at fighting back a smile. “And you think I want to kiss Buck forever?”

“Don’t you?”

Eddie _does_ , but this isn’t something he should be talking to his son about. It is, however, something he should talk to Buck about. As scary as it is. Life is short, after all. He doesn’t want to waste time and only be left with what might have been.

“You need to get to sleep,” Eddie says, pulling Christopher’s covers up higher.

“Only if you talk to Buck.”

“We’re not negotiating,” Eddie tells him.

“Fine,” Christopher says. “But you’ll talk to him?”

“I’ll talk to him,” Eddie says. “Now get to sleep.”

“Okay. Night Dad. Love you.”

“Love you too, Chris.”

Buck is wiping down the counter when Eddie walks into the kitchen. He grabs himself a bear and leans back against the counter, watching him.

Buck turns his head to look at him and smiles, “Christopher asleep?”

“Hopefully,” Eddie says. “He tried to negotiate going to sleep with me.”

Buck laughs, “Oh man. He’s getting to that stage, huh? We’re going to have our hands full.”

_ We _ . He’d said we, not you. As if he expects to be here for the long haul. And hell, that’s what Eddie’s been expecting to. Any plans he’s been making, he’s made with Buck in mind. 

"I haven't dated anyone since Shannon," Eddie blurts out. 

"That's understandable," Buck says. He grabs his own beer and leans against the island across from Eddie. "You haven't been ready."

"That's not it, at least not completely."

"Then what is it?"

Eddie takes a drink of his beer to buy himself some time. Buck is still there, watching him expectantly.

"I haven't dated anyone because I never felt like I needed to," Eddie continues. "My life has felt pretty complete. With Christopher. And umm… with you."

Buck puts his beer down, and Eddie follows suit, watching as Buck steps closer. "What are you saying Eddie?"

"I have everything I need right here," Eddie says. "With you and Christopher. You're… _we're_ a family. And it took me a long time, probably too long, to understand what that means."

"What does it mean?" Buck asks him. "Because I know what I want it to mean but I…"

"It means I love you," Eddie cuts in, suddenly afraid if he doesn't get the words out they'll stay stuck inside him. He needs Buck to know. "Not just because you're my best friend, but because you're the one person I trust most in this world. Not just with Christopher, which is really fucking big, but with my heart too."

Buck stares at him for a moment, eyes moving across his face. Eddie can't read him at that moment, and he hates it. He'd give anything to know what Buck's thinking. That he didn't read this wrong and screw it up. 

"Buck?"

Buck surges forward, taking Eddie's face in his hands, as he kisses him. Eddie stumbles for a moment before his back hits the counter, no doubt leaving a bruise. His hands lift, one moving to Buck's hair, the other around his back as he pulls him closer. 

"I love you too," Buck murmurs against his lips.

“So you want to kiss me forever,” Eddie teases.

Buck laughs, “Well yeah, obviously. And so much more.”

Eddie looks forward to finding out what the more is.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/comments make my day 💜  
> [My tumblr](http://tabbytabbytabby.tumblr.com/)


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